Remember to Breathe
by justmexxo
Summary: Uhm. Remus/OC. Well that's what I'm aiming for.. Set in Marauders Era. Warning::Rape mentioned-not graphic. Can't really think of anything to say.. So I guess you have to read! And probably review.. :
1. Chapter 1

It happened in the summer holidays. She could still smell the sickly sweet smell of pot. Sweat. The scent of alcohol, oozing from his pores. And she could still hear the sound of his heavy breathing. And the loud, rhythmic ticking of the clock on the wall. She could still feel his cold hands, crawling all over her skin. And she could still feel the pain, like being ripped open from the inside. But what scared her most of all was she could still see his face, everywhere she went.

It wasn't really her fault, but she thought it was. She shouldn't have gone to that party. She shouldn't have trusted him. And the worst thing was, she had no one to turn to, no one to confide in. She tried to push the incident, 'it', out of her mind.

And everything was okay, for a while. She stayed at home for the rest of the holidays, hardly ever emerging from her dark, stuffy room, not even for meals. Either her mother didn't notice, or didn't really care. She was fine when she was alone, where there was nothing to remind her of 'it'. But too soon, the holidays ended, and it was time to go back to Hogwarts for her sixth year.

She sat, alone in an empty carriage, resting her forehead against the cool glass window. Her eyes were heavy; she hadn't slept properly since 'it' happened.

"I believe in miracles! Where you from? You sexy thing!" Sirius Black sang loudly in her ear. She jumped out of her seat. "Hey baby! What's up?"

Melody smiled weakly. "Hey, you." She saw the rest of his gang pile in, James, Remus and Peter. Sirius and James sat on either side of her, while Remus and Peter sat opposite.

"So how were your holidays?" James asked, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. Melody stiffened, inhaling his inherently manly smell. She tried to shrug him off, but he only held on tighter. "Hey, what's up Mel?" James queried. Melody struggled, panicking and finally broke free. She bolted out of the carriage, her eyes already filling with hot, angry tears.

Alone again, locked inside the bathroom, she was filled with rage - but she wasn't sure why. She gazed up at the ceiling, refusing to let any tears fall from her She gazed at herself in the mirror. She didn't even recognise herself. She was lifting her hand to brush her long, obviously fake blonde hair out of her heavily mascara'd eyes, when she saw blood trickling from her palm. Her fists were clenched so tightly, she'd gouged her palms with her perfectly manicured fingernails. And she didn't even feel it. She shook her head and ran her hands under the tap, washing the blood away.

She closed the bathroom door quietly behind her and walked right into the arms of Remus Lupin. She froze for a second, looked into his caring, thoughtful eyes, and nearly burst into tears. She jumped backwards, away from him.

"Sorry." She shrugged and attemped a laugh.

"It's okay." He said genuinely. "Are you good?"

"Yeeahh.." She breathed.

"Are you mad at James or something?"

"N-no. I just, um," she shrugged, "I don't know..." She trailed off, awkwardly.

"Uhh.. 'Kay.." Remus stood there awkwardly also, not able to think of anything to say. "Shall we go back then?

When questioned by the others she brushed it off, blaming it on 'womanly problems', which quickly shut all four adolescent boys up. Their faces flushing a bright red, the subject swiftly moved on to more manly things. Left to herself, Melody resolved to keep her emotions locked up tightly. There was no point letting anybody know, it wasn't even a big deal. It happened to people all the time. She was one of the lucky ones. At least she was alive. So she didn't want anybody's pitying looks, or worse, their looks of contempt as they imagined how Melody would have brought it on herself. Or even worse, they wouldn't believe her at all, thinking her just an attention seeking liar.

A lot of people hated Melody. She didn't really understand why. It could be they were jealous, although she really wasn't that special. She was very pretty, but a lot of that was to do with make up and hair product. She had always been slender and tanned, but she was losing that as she became less interested in sports and more interested in boys. She was also very smart, although no one really knew that. Occasionally she would get good marks but she never really bothered. She'd never studied once in her life, but in her fifth year had managed to scrape by with mostly A's and E's, and the occasional O.

She didn't really have any good friends. She had accquaintances, like her Gryffindor roommates, Lily Evans, Sophie Brown and Doris Patterson, but she didn't even really like them that much. She especially disliked 'Little Miss Perfect' Lily Evans. She also had 'The Marauders', who were entertaining usually, but kind of annoying the rest of the time. So she had people to hang out with when she felt like it, and that was okay with her.

Melody didn't feel like she really fit in anywhere, if she was honest with herself. She was in Gryffindor, the house of chivalry and daring. She wasn't exactly sure why she had been placed into that house. But there was nowhere else she would have fit in better. She did value beauty, but she wasn't too fussed about wit or wisdom, or any other of the Ravenclaw values. She was muggle-born, which didn't necessarily rule out Slytherin, but that did require ambition, something she lacked. Hufflepuff - well known for honestly, loyalty and tolerance, none of these qualities she possessed. So the only house left for her was Gryffindor, but she didn't actually feel like she belonged; she wasn't brave at all.

Her thoughts were interupted by the train jolting, announcing their arrival to Hogwarts.

She faked a wide smile and linked arms with Remus Lupin and Sirius Black as they made their way to the castle.


	2. Chapter 2

We're here to entertain.

And anesthetise your pain.

--Evermore 'Hey Boys and Girls'

Melody was glad that she had the Marauders. She would never have thought that she would actually be friends with them, of all people. Sure, she had talked to them before, in fact, she had been out with Sirius a few times, but it had never amounted to more than a kiss. But anyway, she found herself spending a lot of time with them. Especially Sirius. She decided he would be perfect, to make her forget about _that thing _that happened over the holidays. Because although the Marauders did make it easier, and usually successfully distracted her with their neverending pranking, late at night, she found herself reliving 'it' again and again. She decided that to forget, she needed to have sex with someone else. Because, that time had been her first and only time. She had nothing else to compare it with. So, if she had sex with someone, obviously she would forget about 'it' and move on with her life.

So she decided on Sirius Black. Not just because he was, obviously, available (if a girl was even just averagely attractive, he would bed her, no question), but because she would have to follow through, or he would spread it around the whole school - 'Melody Ryan is a cock-tease!' - or something along those lines. She didn't want to even have the option of backing out, because deep down, she didn't actually want to do it at all.

It was late on Saturday night and they were the only people in the common room. They were curled up on the couch together watching the fire when she built up the courage to do it. She grabbed his hands and straddled him, kissing him deeply.

*

The next morning, she couldn't look him in the eyes. She was too embarrassed. He spent the whole of breakfast giving her strange looks from across the table, and occasionally whispering to his friends. She managed to avoid him the rest of the time, but that night, as she was sitting alone on the couch, tracing the lines in the red upholstery, someone sat down next to her. She refused to look at this person, guessing who it would be. They sat in silence for a while.

"Melody." She turned in surprise. It wasn't who she thought it would be.

"Remus?"

"Um.. Sirius told me what happened last night." She flushed a deep scarlet. Remus stuttered. "I just.." He broke off. "Are you okay?"

She scratched at the ribbing on the armrest, making a slightly irritating noise."Yeah. Course." Her voice broke slightly. She didn't think he would notice. But he did.

He looked at her awkwardly. He would have put his arm around her, but she had her feet on the couch between them, so he couldn't. Also, to be honest, he would have been too shy, but it was good to have an excuse. After a long silence he stood up. "Just.. You can talk to me. If you want. Anytime."

Melody shrugged.

When the weekend was over, Melody braced herself for the taunts, the teasing. But it never came. She was confused. Why wasn't he telling the world? She thought that he would have found it hilarious. A girl crying after sex. How cliched. And she didn't know how to respond when, trying to comfort her, he asked her, so kindly, if it was her first time. So she just got up and sprinted out of the room. Probably looking like even more of a loser. She groaned.

She saw Sirius approach her. She groaned again. He smiled warily at her. Probably expecting her to burst into tears again.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" She said quietly, looking at the floor.

"Tell anyone what?" He asked, ever so lightly.

"You know."

"Well.." He shrugged. "I just didn't think.. It wouldn't be right."

She almost laughed. "Sirius Black.. Has morals?"

He laughed. It didn't matter if a joke was at his own expense, he would still find it funny.

We lapsed into silence. "Well.. Thanks." She said.

"Are you gonna tell me what was wrong?" He smiled at me endearingly.

"No." She said bluntly.

He gave me his best puppy dog eyes.

"No." She said again.

"Fine," he whined, "but I will find out." He said it jokingly, but she could tell he was serious.

She went to walk away, but turned back. "Sirius. It's actually nothing." She shrugged. "It's kinda.. Too embarrassing to say. 'Cause it really isn't a big deal. At all." She smiled lightly. "So you don't even have to worry about it."

He was intrigued. "You have to tell me now!"

She made a big show of deliberating. "I don't know if I should..."

He could sense her weakening. "Pleease?" He begged.

"Fine. Well.. The truth is... It's because..." It all came out in a rush. "I'm just so madly in love with you and I didn't want you to dump me and I was so jealous of all those other girls and I love you!"

He stood in front of her, his mouth hanging open.

"Soo yeah.." She said. "Um. Gotta go. Bye!"

That probably wasn't the best idea, she berated herself. But better than him knowing about.. That other thing. He'd forget about this in a few days. Attention span of an two year old, that boy.

"Uh-oh," she said to herself as she walked into the Gryffindor common room. Somehow, she just knew that Sirius had told. All eyes were on her as she scrambled through the portrait hole. All the boys wolf-whistled and yelled out immature comments about a certain Sirius Black, and all the girls were staring at her, either with jealousy or anger - she couldn't tell. She ducked her head in shame, and crashed into a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy. "Sirius." She growled under her breath.

"Hey baby," he said, oblivious to her anger. "So, I was wondering," he said arrogantly. "We should go out some time."

She looked at him with shock. "I – um. Well." She stuttered. Everyone in the room was still watching. "I don't think... That's not such a good idea." She shrugged apologetically. "We're better as friends." She could see Remus out of the corner of her eye. She could have sworn he was smiling, although she could only see half of his face.

Sirius' face was disbelieving. "But you – you just confessed your love for me!" He practically yelled.

She shrugged again. "Um. I have to go."


End file.
